Talent Optional

Still stuck on the fish oil for right now.  It’s lemon flavored.

So today I went to the Nutrionist – she seems like a very nice lady. She gave me a diet to go on ( which I will ) since all candidates for bariatric surgery have to see a nutrionist and seriously attempt to shed at least 30 lbs pre-op to prove that they have the mental wherewithal to maintain their weight loss post-op. As well, I went to see her because of the Fibromyalgia… nutrition plays a HUGE role in your levels of pain. So I must bid gluten goodbye… no white ANYTHING… and I have to take a tbsp of fish oil every night…. hmmm… Fish Oil. Yum.

Okay okay – I’m a little slow and it took me a few minutes to find the “About” section ( what can I say, I’ll always have that “i’m just dumb” part of my brain that takes over sometimes ).  So the about has been filled out – thank you Facebook.

I havent had any brillant thoughts that presented themselves as blog-worthy… perhaps I will later…

So I’ve got a friend from the BYTM days (you will see that abbrevation again, at which point it will be explained) – And his lovely fiancee, Karen, has a home business that she is trying to expand, so here is a link to her page! Check it out… Goodluck Karen!

http://www.doggiestylish.com/store/

“Wendy Shear: Am I missing something? I have had fibromyalgia for over 10 years. You muddle along as you would in any job. (Yesterday at 8:41pm)”

That was posted on Facebook yesterday by someone who knows someone else – she doesn’t actually know me. As I began typing a response on FB I realized it was going to be rather long so instead – I shall blog!

(btw: I hate the word blog… I need to come up with another word for my own little universe).

Dear Wendy,

I’m glad that your pain levels are low enough that you can hold an 8 hour shift on your feet hauling and rearranging coffee-table books in the Bargain Section without having to go to the ER – Perhaps you missed the part where I mentioned the Vicodin Dosage (4000 – 6000 mgs) a day for over 5 years… And no, before you say – “well that’s because you’re an addict” – I’m not an addict – Ask my doctors, who are impressed as hell that I just stopped taking them cold, 2 months ago, because the side effects weren’t worth the few hours of pain relief. I’ve been taking that blessed opiate for just over 7 years (the first 2 years my tolerance remained within normal levels) – however, whence your tolerance adjusts and you need to take 4000 mgs just to get through a work shift, your body goes into immediate withdrawal the second the drug has passed through your system… So that means everyday is like the first day of rehab – convulsions, vomiting, toileting, sweating, cramping, weakness… every morning – now you tell me exactly what your definition of “muddling” is – because let me tell you my friend, I’ve been muddling through this ridiculous pain for over 10 years and that is why I’ve had to take the Vicodin – because NO ONE KNEW WHAT WAS CAUSING THE PAIN…. My doctors were stumped and had run every test they could think of… Not RA, Not a Lyme Relapse (which I’ve been infected with on 3 separate occasions) – Let me ask you, Wendy, does your elbow feel like it’s going to break and burn when you lift a coffee mug? Do your feet feel like someone has broken every bone in them and exposed every nerve casing surrounding those bones and the shrapnel that was your phalanges is now slicing through those exposed nerves? Do your wrists feel as though someone is trying to drive a metal spike through them? Can you feel each one of the bones in your fingers as you type? Well, as you may have guessed, I have. So congrats to you for feeling that you are tougher and stronger than me. Here’s your medal. But I’ve got news for you – when your doctors tell you that the pain scale they use no longer applies to you because your pain tolerance throws it off since your pain starts at 9 or 10 on a regular basis, I’m going to go with the thought I’m a fucking champion “muddler” and I’m through “muddling” – I actually want to DO something – I want to follow a passion and work in a field that consumes me so much that I don’t have time to think about how much I hurt and how sore I’ll be when I stop moving. We are not all the same and FYI fibromyalgia is not quite a disease, it’s still a theory… So the hundreds of people afflicted with it may have hundreds of different sensations and pains. Just because you have been diagnosed doesn’t make you an expert on anyone other than yourself. I’m the queen of ‘suck it up and deal’ and have been since the first time I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease (after already having it for 6 months and was approaching the 3rd phase). Since that day (when I was 13) I have not had one single day without high levels pain. So boohoo for me… Call the fucking wahmbulance.

This is the first time in my life where I am taking the time out to actually address the medical issues at hand. I do not believe that is it fair of me to ask an employer to put up with me having to go to numerous doctors appointments and deal with me having to call out if a day is particularly bad – in this economy employers are working with skeleton crews and call-outs effect everyone and piss people off. It’s completely inconsiderate of you as a person to seek employment knowing full well you will not be able to fulfill your job requirements. So until I can get on my feet – literally – I will be using the Unemployment System – because THAT’S WHY ITS THERE. I’ve worked my entire adult life ( starting at 15 yrs ) so I have every right to do what’s right by me because, unfortunately, this body is all I have and since I can’t trade the damn thing in I have to figure out how to make it work and last as long as possible.

Anyone else want to judge me? Anyone else want to discredit my personal experiences?

By the By: If the Mayans are right only I only have to put up with this for another 2 years.

So who is the other half this warped Pinky and The Brain…

Check out ‘The Brain’ here… after all I’m just the actor… dance monkey dance… bwhahahaha.

http://digitalisdreaming.blogspot.com/

So I just got off the phone with NYS Unemployment because right now I’ve got some medical fish to fry and ‘working’ in the traditional sense isnt working for me. So I’m applying for Medicaid – which requires you to apply for Unemployment ( for which I didn’t know I was eligable since one of the 1st qualifying questions is “Can you start work immediately?” to which my answer is…”No.” ). So low and behold I actually DO qualify for UnEm Benefits. I refuse to call them bennies… I just won’t so don’t ask. Also, cucumbers are not ‘cukes’, frozen yogurt is not ‘fro-yo’ and ‘mani-pedis’ (while fabulous) should be referred to as manicure/pedicure… More tomorrow.

“It’s nice out, I expect you to go for a walk today…” 

I hear this sentence alot since I had to move home at the end of September 2009 – You see I recently had a mystery solved… one that has plagued me for years… I’ve suffered from severe chronic pain for over a decade – pain that had me taking 8 – 12, 500 mg vicodin a day for at least 5 years.  Well long drawn out story short, I have recently come to be diagnosed with ‘Fibromyalgia’ – which is Greek for “hurts like a bitch to exist, have a nice life, suck it up.”  Due to this I cant currently work.  Oh, right and I’m $20,000 in debt to various credit card agencies, banks and medical institutions… so I’m beyond broke.  So, at 29 years old I am single and I’m living with my parents ( who I am very thankful for ) however, it means that everyday I’m being told to do things, like a child.  Funtimes for me. 

So that’s where this blog comes in.   How..? I’m getting to it.  Deal.

You see a friend of mine and I decided that if I have to be miserable, why not make it work in my favor…?  So Welcome – To Talent Optional – The story of my life and wherever the hell it winds up going.  The current plan?  Use my pain and suffering to get my acting career off the ground.  You see I’ve been acting since I popped out of my MaMa’s picachu but so far – no big break.  And frankly, I actually have talent.  Ego much? 

Right, like you dont have an ego – this whole generation is about egos – thats why we blog, why we Facebook (which has now officially become a verb and is one of the signs of the Endtimes, don’t believe me, check your Bible ) – why the “Look at Me” legions are cramming the very corners cyberspace with self serving video, audio and running off at the keyboard diatribes. 

But I digress.

So I actually have talent.  But there is another problem.  I’m fat.  No seriously, that’s the word – FAT – fatty fatty fatty – Not plus size, not curvy, not voluptous – FAT.  I’ve been in tune with the ET industry since I was in middle school and here’s the deal.  There is ET fat ( which is normal sized for the rest of the world ) and that means if you are going to get cast as the fat best friend plucky comic relief, you better be a size 10.  And that’s what I am – a character actor – I’m not the classic leading lady.  But right now, I’m a size 28.  Do you know what that means?  That means that I’m the chick they get to play on a special episode of CSI where someone gets smothered to death while having fetish sex with the Fatso… Oh wait.  They made that episode already…. People do not want to hear this stuff – but thats the way it is – you either get skinny or get used to being considered a fetish.

So, the plan as it stands is:

1. Start Therapy because along with all the other stuff I suffer from depression ( what artist worth their salt doesnt ) and the stuff they tell me to do in therapy should make GREAT blog material. 

2. Get Gastric Bypass ( to help alleviate the gravity forces working overtime to heighten the fibromyalgia AND to get the weight off for good )

3. Chronicle Everything and see if I can get my ass to Los Angeles and find out how much my soul is worth.