“It’s nice out, I expect you to go for a walk today…”
I hear this sentence alot since I had to move home at the end of September 2009 – You see I recently had a mystery solved… one that has plagued me for years… I’ve suffered from severe chronic pain for over a decade – pain that had me taking 8 – 12, 500 mg vicodin a day for at least 5 years. Well long drawn out story short, I have recently come to be diagnosed with ‘Fibromyalgia’ – which is Greek for “hurts like a bitch to exist, have a nice life, suck it up.” Due to this I cant currently work. Oh, right and I’m $20,000 in debt to various credit card agencies, banks and medical institutions… so I’m beyond broke. So, at 29 years old I am single and I’m living with my parents ( who I am very thankful for ) however, it means that everyday I’m being told to do things, like a child. Funtimes for me.
So that’s where this blog comes in. How..? I’m getting to it. Deal.
You see a friend of mine and I decided that if I have to be miserable, why not make it work in my favor…? So Welcome – To Talent Optional – The story of my life and wherever the hell it winds up going. The current plan? Use my pain and suffering to get my acting career off the ground. You see I’ve been acting since I popped out of my MaMa’s picachu but so far – no big break. And frankly, I actually have talent. Ego much?
Right, like you dont have an ego – this whole generation is about egos – thats why we blog, why we Facebook (which has now officially become a verb and is one of the signs of the Endtimes, don’t believe me, check your Bible ) – why the “Look at Me” legions are cramming the very corners cyberspace with self serving video, audio and running off at the keyboard diatribes.
But I digress.
So I actually have talent. But there is another problem. I’m fat. No seriously, that’s the word – FAT – fatty fatty fatty – Not plus size, not curvy, not voluptous – FAT. I’ve been in tune with the ET industry since I was in middle school and here’s the deal. There is ET fat ( which is normal sized for the rest of the world ) and that means if you are going to get cast as the fat best friend plucky comic relief, you better be a size 10. And that’s what I am – a character actor – I’m not the classic leading lady. But right now, I’m a size 28. Do you know what that means? That means that I’m the chick they get to play on a special episode of CSI where someone gets smothered to death while having fetish sex with the Fatso… Oh wait. They made that episode already…. People do not want to hear this stuff – but thats the way it is – you either get skinny or get used to being considered a fetish.
So, the plan as it stands is:
1. Start Therapy because along with all the other stuff I suffer from depression ( what artist worth their salt doesnt ) and the stuff they tell me to do in therapy should make GREAT blog material.
2. Get Gastric Bypass ( to help alleviate the gravity forces working overtime to heighten the fibromyalgia AND to get the weight off for good )
3. Chronicle Everything and see if I can get my ass to Los Angeles and find out how much my soul is worth.